HAD A BAD WEEK?

I’ve had BAD weeks before, but this week was the worst for me. I won’t even tell you why. Well, I just don’t know why. I’ve been feeling down and out(because I am). I’ve been having regrets about my past. “If only I knew what I wanted to do after matric earlier, I would’ve saved myself a lot of trouble”, that is what was running around my mind.

I felt like my life is trash the whole week. I literally couldn’t do anything, not even washing a single dish. All I did was sleep(more than usual) and eat. Whenever I’m feeling this way, my energy levels drop to zero and my life stops. Yesterday was better than all the other days, I cleaned up and posted the previous blog post. Some days it’s easy, but some days I fight to get out of bed.

This week was that week where if a stranger knocked me down and I died, I’d wake up and thank the stranger. I prayed ”Lord, can I just die in my sleep” every night. If you can relate to this, I understand. Pick yourself up, go for therapy if you can, cry if you feel like crying, show up for yourself and keep on trying to survive.

OWN RACE! OWN LANE! OWN PACE!

You need to make peace with the fact that everyone’s life is scripted differently and live your life according to your own script. Your script depends on your own decisions, and sometimes fate. One thing I know is you can’t change what has already happened, you only have the power to make the future what you want it.

Some of my age mates didn’t pass grade 12, I did. Some people failed their driving test five times, while some passed from the word go. I on the other hand, went to driving school from 2016 inconsistently due to unforeseen circumstances, got tested in 2018 and failed, rewrote the learners test(coz it had expired) and finally passed this year.

Some people lost their moms, I still have mine. Some people still have both parents, my dad passed on. There are people who were raised in big cities, I was raised in a village. Some parents couldn’t afford cornflakes for their children, mine did. Some people don’t have blankets in this cold season, I do.

Some people failed many grades in high school, I never failed. Most of my age mates have graduated, I haven’t graduated yet. Some of my age mates are engaged or married, I’m not. Bonang made her first million at age 22, I don’t have 5K to my name at the moment.

My mom got her first salary at 23, I’m turning 23 but I’m still trying to get my life together and that’s okay, that’s how my life journey turned out. Well, of course I didn’t expect it to turn out this way, however, it did because of some irrational choice that 18 year old me made. I forgive her.

I am working on healing and working towards being the woman I dream of becoming. I won’t even lie and say it’s a walk in the park. It’s hard! Making your pain your power doesn’t happen instantly. I hope you understood that this wasn’t all about telling you to compare your life with that of others and feel sorry for yourself; or feel like you are superior than others.

This is to tell you to embrace your life. Remember that your life is your OWN RACE, so travel on your OWN LANE, at your OWN PACE. No matter how bad your past is, how painful growing up was for you, or what transpired in your life, either good or bad; you can still show up for yourself and change your life.

FOCUS. HOPE. DREAM. BELIEVE. BE PERSISTENT. BE CONSISTENT. YOU WILL ARRIVE.

Make your PAIN your POWER

I promise, there’s power that’s buried in your pain, dig up, find it and use it.

Tsu Baloyi

On the previous blog post, I said I want to tell you a story about myself. I’m still not ready to spill the beans but it’s an academic story. A detailed story will follow one of the good days. My experience got me suffering from severe pain, mostly from October 2018 to early this year.

I would cry almost every day, not want to be around people, be moody, over sleep, not have the energy or drive to do anything(made me inconsistent on YouTube and on this blog), sometimes struggled to get out of bed, and thought of ending my life countless times.

The day I wrote the blog post Only YOU can save YOU is the day I finally decided to start with my healing process. That post saved my life. I have a story to tell and I hope it helps someone. The purpose of today’s post is to let you know you can benefit from your pain.

Pain(be it physical or emotional, regardless of what the cause of the pain is) is unpleasant. Although it is unpleasant, we all go through pain for a good reason. Unfortunately, pain does not give you the chance to believe that you’re going through it for a good cause.

It is capable of making you feel like you’re about to die, nothing is going your way or your life is the worst. In the midst of all those feelings, I want you to remember that you’re going through that pain for a reason, and until you believe that, you’ll never find power in your pain.

Dwelling in the pain and not taking initiative to work on your healing is what will make you think the pain is there to harm you. Healing is not an instant thing, it’s a process. It’s not a nice thing either, feelings are felt and work should be done, mostly if it’s healing emotional pain.

Some days you’ll cry, some days the pain will come back and strike you, some days you’ll feel sad, and sometimes people will remind you about what caused the pain and rekindle the wounds. Go through it until you’re completely healed.

Pay attention to your thoughts during your healing process. Keep them positive all the time and find the power that is hidden in your pain. I promise, there’s power that’s buried in your pain, dig up, find it and use it. Get a reward from that pain. Like the heading says:”make your pain your power”.

Check out what my pain made me do on this Instagram post. I am about to begin with the first season of My Career! My Life on my YouTube Channel, click here to subscribe. I had to go through the pain I went through in order for these beautiful things to happen. Go through the pain and make it your power.

❤️
xoxo
Tsu

5 lessons learnt in 2019

Time flies! I can’t believe we’re in the 6th month of the year already. The past 5 months were lesson after lesson for me and I’d like to share 5 of the many lessons I learnt with you.

I can’t change a person

Even if I can speak to a person countless times about how much I don’t like what he/she does, if he/she doesn’t plan to change, nothing will change. Change is something that comes from the inside, I rather hope and pray for a person to have the zeal to change, not try so hard to force it.

The power of conviction

For the years that I’ve lived, I noticed that whenever I failed at something, I had thoughts that I’d fail, and whenever I succeeded, I had thoughts that I’ll succeed. The truth is, anything that someone believes will work, works. There’s just magic in believing.

It’s never too late to start over

I really want to tell you a story about me, but let’s make that a story for another day, it’s a blog post on its own. For now, let me just say I realized last year that I’ve been sitting on myself and started my YouTube Channel, Life with Tsu and this blog in January this year. I would’ve said I’m way too old, some started at 13, but I didn’t. You too can start.

Success takes more than hard work

Of course hardwork is an important ingredient in the success recipe, I cannot defy that. However, in order to finally succeed you need to break certain habits, persist, persevere, be patient and most importantly, be consistent because success in many cases never comes overnight.

Society doesn’t care

YES! There are some people who form a part of your extended family who don’t care about you, what makes you think society cares? Your name stays in their mouths for hours but they don’t care.

If it happens that they care, the amount is like a grain of salt in a tumbler filled with water. DO YOU, FOR YOU, and those who love you. Stay away from worrying about what people you hardly talk to will say.

I hope you learnt from what I learnt so far.

xoxo

Tsu ❤️

THE ART OF TRUE LOVE

Here’s a piece that I wrote on this day 2 years ago. I changed his age because obviously he has grown. I learnt the art of true love through my relationship with my brother(Tiyisela), he’s been my best friend since he became a statistic of being a 2000-may I not be murdered for this.

The 19 years that I’ve known him have been the best years of my life, we’ve always been button and shirt, I don’t know what it means to have “serious fights” with your siblings. I still have vivid memories of how he used to cry when he started school, that literally triggered my tear glands and it would be a cry song.

During my childhood years, if you wanted my where abouts, you could just look for my little brother, ‘coz by finding him, you would automatically find me. We were ALWAYS together, literally. Wherever I visited, he was sure to go with me.

I didn’t have to wait to reach puberty and have guys lie to me about loving me until Jesus comes back in order to understand what true love is, I learnt it at home, that’s why it’s so hard for me to stay where I’m taken for granted. I’m a true lover, when I love, I love for real. It all began in my parents’ house.

Finally I just wanna formally and publicly announce that I love my little brother, I think he’s gonna sit by my side on my wedding day so that I spend quality time with him before I leave the Baloyi house. Tiyisela, ndza ku rhandza.

Cherish your siblings, bond with them, you’ll never know how to love someone who comes to your life about 25 years after your birth the right way if you neglect building a healthy relationship governed by love with your siblings.


Tsu

Only YOU can save YOU

Show me one person who can tell me that their life is perfect. I guess you’ll have to look from the Cape to the North and even go to the UAE and still not find a single person. Life tosses and turns us all, and when it does that, it is your own responsibility to save yourself. No one else but YOU.

You definitely need support from friends and family but the only person you are always with is you. No superpowers will ever make them get into your mind and make you take over it. The only person who has your mind is you and whatever you constantly think about yourself is what will manifest.

I have been in a very bad space for a while now, I thank God I don’t look like everything I went through. One day I’ll spill the beans about it. I am lowkey writing this to myself and it’s speaking to me, I hope it speaks to someone who has made mistakes in the past and is trying to make up for the mistakes.

Here’s what I want you and I to live by to help us save ourselves:

1. Believe in yourself

You will never succeed in anything you do if you don’t believe in yourself. Those who thought they would fail but didn’t fail had belief in themselves despite the presence of fear of failure. Download LOA affirmations and affirm everyday to help you boost your belief in yourself. Read about what law of attraction(LOA) is here.

2. Show up

It’s hard to get up when you’re really low but the secret to progressing in life is in telling yourself that you’ll get your freakin’ self out of bed no matter how hard is; and show up for your life, because NO ONE will ever show up for you. Someone really close to me told me:”The only way you’ll be able to change your life is if you get up and DO IT”, so get up and do whatever it is you know will change your life.

3. Have a direction

We often get lost in our own lives because we don’t have a GPS. Plan your day and see how much easier it gets to complete tasks even though the tasks are nowhere close to easy. Plan your day by writing down all your daily goals to help you achieve your short and long term goals. An app called Monday can help with this.

4. Pray

This is what I grew up knowing can move mountains, heal sicknesses and change situations. Play a worship song, read the word of God and pray. God will surely make it happen for you, just remember to take charge of your life after praying because the truth is only you can save you.

5. Forgive yourself

Wherever you are in life right now is 99.99% because of YOU. However, you need to forgive yourself if you’re not pleased with where you are. Start by forgiving yourself,believe in yourself once again, pray, plan, and show up.

Thanks for reading, press the follow button and subscribe for more life chats.

xoxo

❤️

Tsu

GIYANI-LAND OF BLOOD

Since Giyani started yesterday, 1 April 2019, let me join the masses and write a little something about this historic event. Look, I don’t mind Vendas and Pedis being present in the telenovela, afterall, some Tsonga people live together with Pedis and Vendas in some places. Mo se ndzi tsala hi Xitsonga.

Ndzi rhandza masungulo lawaya 🙌🏾🔥. Dokodela na vona va ku ndzi kona etendeni va hi tlhava hi risimu ehenhla ka vutshila bya vaendli va masungulo. Ndzi nga se ya emahlweni, mo ndzi ku Musa u sasekile kambe i boti wa mina(ana vhele i wa ka Baloyi)-No bula swa ku u sasekile, muhlekisano wa mina a nge tsaki. 🤣

“Damit yi nge hi pfuni hi nchumu papo” ya Yvonne Chaka-Chaka mo ndzi HUMA eka yona. 😩😂 Mara von’wina mi swi vonile swigubu leswiya na ketlele liya ya nsimbhi? Swi ndzi teka swi ndzi yisa eka minkarhi leyi a hi vhaka eBotsoleni ka gogo.

Minkukulu leyi a yi hayekiwe erivantini ke? Ku a ku tele njhani mi swi vonile? Hi leswi vanhu va tiko va humisaka xiswona loko ku ri na mintlangu hala makaya. Ndzi twa ndzi ri na ku tshembha ku vaendli va ntlangu lowu a va lo swi wela-wela, ndzavisiso wa ku Vatsonga va hanya njhani wu endliwile.

A swi nga ta tsandza! Ni hlaya ku a swi nga ta endla ku ndzi nga tsali hi Giyani, a ndzi na marito yo tala hikuva na wona ntlanga wa ha ku sungula, no puta Cawuke loko kuve va nga va va funye buwa.

INKOMU! Hi khensa hi vuyelela hina Vatsonga ku va ndzhavuko wa hina na ririmi ra hina swi kondze swi nyikiwa awara na timinete ta makume nharhu evhikini eka SABC. Aheeee ❤️

#GiyaniLandOfBlood

My Period Journey-Part 2

A quick fast forward to January, schools reopened, and my mom still didn’t know that I started menstruating. Hell broke loose when the period came while I was at school. I stood up to give the bathroom a visit because I felt so uncomfortable, little did I know that I had already stained my skirt, I saw because some people were staring at me.

Nyeleti followed me to the toilet and offered me a pad, bless her. I then took my jersey and tied it on my waist to cover the stain. However the stain didn’t cover the lowered self-esteem, menstrual blood is nowhere close to smelling good, so you can imagine the damage that the stain did.

This is the day I decided to tell my mom. I saw that not telling my mom is gonna add fuel to the fire that was already burning me. When I got home from school, my mom was not at home, so I called her and said:”Mhani, nkombela min vuyela na ti pad”, those are Tsonga words which mean:”Please buy me pads”.

This very day, is also the day that I started experiencing period cramps. My mom came back, and she found me lying uncomfortably on my bed. Those who know my mom know that she’s not a woman of many words, she gave me the pads and handed me something that I call THE MAGIC PILL, its name is Mybulen.

Mybulen has saved me from the heartlessness of PMS and cramps that come during my period. Don’t tell me about yoga, working out, rice socks, warm water, those things failed me. You’re welcome to share what has worked to alleviate period pains for you also. This is the end of the menstruation series, thank you for reading.

First Period Saga(Part 1)

Why does it feel like it was yesterday? It’s been a freaking TEN years of being in this bloody industry. I’m now thinking of doing a 10 years anniversary celebration for my periods and I. How about that?

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But what am I celebrating? I hate periods, but then again, it’s a blessing to see them because there are some people who didn’t see them at 15, and are 30, or even 40, and still haven’t seen them.

I’m grateful to be counted amongst those who saw their first period between the ages of 12 and 15. My first period came when I was 13, I guess you now know how old I am, but that’s not quite important today. Let me share my story.

My childhood was made up of the best Decembers, I’m saying this because being with family is at the top of the list of things that I love the most. Most Decembers, my cousins and I would visit my late grandmother’s house and aunt’s house interchangeably.

One typical summer day, my aunt came to fetch us, you now know the drill right? The moment I got inside the car and sat is the moment I saw a reddish-brown stain that had already dried, now that I’m thinking of it, I realise that it was hours since the blood got discharged.

I knew immediately that it was menstrual blood because our Life Orientation teacher had equipped us when I was still 11. When we got to my aunt’s house, I washed my nude pants and underwear.

It was all good until I used a tissue paper as a sanitary pad, why wouldn’t I? I hadn’t told my aunt about what I saw. Poor Tsu didn’t even know how long it lasts, it was tragic. I asked my aunt to take me home, she refused to take me home but I begged until she agreed.

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I got home and took pads from my mom’s room without her knowledge, remember I said my LO teacher equipped me? But still, I had to tell my mom, I didn’t know how to tell her.

The cycle came and went while I was progressively “stealing” pads from my mother’s drawer. Where did I think it would take me? How could I do that to myself?

Is it normal? Did any of you feel embarrassed to tell family about your first period? I would love to hear your first period experiences, even if they are embarrassing like mine. 😂

STAY IN TOUCH FOR PART TWO WHICH WILL BE POSTED ON THURSDAY ❤️

Menstruation Situation

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Picture from Eco Femme

I think I should formally apologize to my male followers because this blog will be a bit biased, we’ll be focusing more on women than men. Nevertheless, you’re still welcome to stick around. You can rest assured that your stay will not be in vain.

I was about to say:”Periods affect…”,then I came back to my senses. Periods are not a disease, they are not an illness, so they don’t affect women, however, a large number of women go on their period. Of course, that’s what I said, let’s not forget our sisters who are faced with amenorrhea, i.e. the absence of periods.

Gonadal dysgenesis, endometriosis, Turner syndrome, hypothalamic amenorrhea, testicular feminization and polycystic ovarian syndrome are not myths, these are prominent conditions that affect our sisters out there. These conditions result in the absence of menstruation or irregular menstrual cycles.

On the other hand those who have normal periods have their own struggles. Finding the best pads can be a hassle, I still don’t know which pads are ideal for me, that’s bad. Using a tampon may be uncomfortable for others. I won’t talk about a menstrual cup because I’ve never used it, anyway, I’m open to trying it so please suggest a brand.

Mood swings and cramps also have a tendency of invading your life. Periods are definitely not my best friend. On the next post, I’ll share My Periods Journey, be sure to follow the blog so that you don’t miss it. I’ll share a period hack that has worked for me over the years also. You don’t wanna miss it.

For now, take care of yourself and show yourself some self love.

xoxoxo

Tsu